Some of Mick Neuman' Stuff

All I Ever Needed to Know I Never Really Learned

    Ok, here's the situation.  I don't like writing the endings of stories.  Endings are rarely any good.  People feel forced to bring a story in some kind of circle, and that the story must have "closure," because someone told them that.  As a result we all have to sit through contrived explanations of how our hero has changed in some way due to his adventure, or, what's worse, through predictable, tortured descriptions of how the guy finally convinces the girl that he has changed, and that it really wasn't his fault after all.  Well I can't stand it any longer!  No more will I kowtow to the conventional wisdom of the academic establishment!  Don't tell me about form!  If I say a story is finished, then, goddammit, it is!

    Some people who have read my work have pointed out that I not only don't like writing endings, but I'm also not too fond of writing middles.  But that's not true.  I have nothing against writing middles.  The thing is, though, that I love writing beginnings.  Beginnings are great, you can do whatever you like because you're not restricted to whatever would come naturally after the previous 30 pages.  Does that make any sense?

   Find out for yourself by reading: All I Ever Needed to Know I Never Really Learned.  It contains a joke that I might have stolen from Woody Allen.

A Short Story Using Only the Word "Pants"

They said it couldn't be done! They laughed at the very notion!

Mrs. Smith

    This is the shortest story I ever wrote.